The Rhymes Continued...

I couldn't tell you exactly when these were penned, sometime during my early High School career is about as pinpoint accurate as I can be, suffice it to say that I was obviously in a very dark place writing these.  What I remember about the actual writing process though isn't all that different from how things tend to work when I write things out nowadays, I just sit there and stuff falls out of my brain.  There generally isn't a plan or an endgame in mind, I just...write:


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VOICES

pain streaks down, screaming lies
from the fear you're paralyzed
sadness breaks and anger comes
telling you you've been undone
the pain now feels your only right
screaming at you each lonesome night
the hate and rage no longer yours
above the mindless sheep you soar
yet that voice still in your head
telling you "You're better off dead"


ESCAPE

You thought you'd fool yourself to believing this lie
truths always there no matter how hard you try
can't run from the thoughts you're trying to hide
feel the fire of the pain deep inside
you can't keep this up it's tearing you down
trapped like a rat, you spin round & round
no easy way, no escape from this game
trying and dying til it drives you insane
you reach out for help, slapped in the face
trapped inside of yourself - empty space
thoughts incoherent, emotions explode
reaping the results of what someone else sewed
out of control, a true crash & burn
from your mistakes you can't seem to learn
eventually once the pain might stop
before or after your sanity drops?

SPIRITUAL SUICIDE

shooting pain, facing death
stare it down, feel its breath
icy hot, searing cold
lie and pain & fear untold
unknown anger, senseless pain
drilling, driving, spinning insane
eternal dark, endless night
turn in rage, run in fright
escape, escape - nowhere to run
on your temple, feel the gun
eternal damnation, eternal life
one is the other, stabbing knife
bouncing back, spinning in time
no end but death, never mine
blood red streak, no voice to speak
reaper's come to cull the weak
black unknown, home sweet home
sweetest embrace you've ever known
release from this, clench your fist
gone from this life-you're never missed

CONSEQUENCE

Now it's done
your time has come
the life you led has brought you dead
you beg & plead
still none heed
your source of strength
sent you beneath
the reaper's come
now life is done
prepare yourself for the unknown
for he has come to take you home

The Poetry Years Begin...

So after that "scholarly" piece of work on Scientology from my college days, it's not time to backtrack into the beginning of what I can only call my poetry years.  It all started my Sophomore year of High School (94/95) and continued on pretty hardcore for most of my HS career. It dwindled off in part due to a god awful visiting professor at Michigan State my Junior year who I let kind of crush whatever aspirations I had then but it still rears its chaotic head from time-to-time.  So here's a few pieces that marked the beginning of this road (forgive me, I was 15):

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TWISTER
circle of pain begins again
repeats of the same old sin
heart will break, hope will die
as the last drops from your eye
now twisted love arise again
to be destroyed...why begin
pain flows freely through the haze
living life in a daze
stop the madness, but cannot
always hits that same old spot
memories of happiness torn to shreds
love born again, better off dead
reach for help, kicked in the face
laughed at, hit, and spit in disgrace
no time to breath, it happened too fast
and once again it's over...at last
now contact is made, it begins again
the same old trip, this circle of sin

BETRAYAL
friends you used to love and trust
now they leave you in the dust
you see yourself holding back
this urge to strike and attack
hate, rage, pain, and hurt
after all this time, you're less than dirt
You've been with them through good and bad
and when you need them most, so sad
you need their help to get back up
they kick you like some worthless pup
and as they walk past in disgust
you start to learn what you must
don't ever put such blind faith into a friend
they'll never be there in the end

THE DYING OF A LIGHT
as shadows creep, your hand it falls
from the inner depths it crawls
a tear of blood drops from your eye
this is the last you'll ever cry
this time as your eyes close tight
from me you'll see no kiss goodnight
the light, it dies as it must
the last you see turned in disgust
the easy way--you never said goodbye
and in the end I still won't cry